by Dr. Celine McNelis-Kline
“Active Hope is waking up to the beauty of life on whose behalf we can act. We belong to this world.”
After 2020 and 2021 there was so much hope for 2022. People everywhere were hoping for relief from the difficulties of the pandemic. Unfortunately, this wild ride still continues; But I must ask: Did it ever stop? How do we continue to wake up each day and engage with the world when it is filled fear, anger, and oppressive environments? We are aware of the aggression and violence that is still very present in our society with the events of recent mass shootings. Elementary schools, middle schools, high schools, colleges, grocery stores, churches, hospitals … where are we safe?
Personally, having a child in high school, I frequently feel fear for my daughter’s safety. What do I do with this fear? I feel so helpless and powerless as if I am standing in the middle of an empty street screaming – trying so hard to be heard and have my fear validated. I feel alone - so discombobulated by the devasting happenings around me. I know I am not alone in this feeling and many of us want and need action. It is my hope that this note-to-self helps you find a pathway to action and healing.
Let’s explore a twofold pathway to action and healing: Internal (self-guided) and External (relational world).
The Internal work
Statement of Teaching Philosophy
My students want certainty. They want it
so badly. They respect science and have memorized
complex formulas. I don't know
how to tell my students their parents
are still just as scared. The bullies get bigger
and vaguer and you cannot punch a cloud.
I have eulogies for all my loved ones prepared
but cannot include this fact in my lesson plans.
The best teacher I ever had told me to meet him
at the basketball court. We played pick-up for hours.
By the end, I lay panting on the hardwood
and couldn't so much as stand.
He told me to describe the pain in my chest.
I tried. I couldn't find the words. Not exactly.
Listen, he said, that's where language ends.
- Keith Leonard
The first step is to work internally – the point where language ends – with what comes up for us when we feel threatened. Our first reaction might be to reactively utilize hatred as a response. However, locking into hatred and blame causes more harm to self and others. As MLK so poignantly stated, “Hate cannot drive out hate – only love can do that.” The Hatred/Blame pathway creates a reactivity that blocks love and prevents us from exploring the vulnerability within us. We cultivate our greatness of heart – Courage by awakening to the vulnerability that lies within us. Courageous compassion is having a willingness to feel what we are feeling even if it is difficult. In doing so our hearts open. This is not an easy task because our survival brain instinct kicks in and the tendency is to pull back from that pain.
“To oppose, brush aside or deny pain in our body or mind makes that feeling more intense. Our painful feelings are a part of us. To deny them is to deny our very selves. The moment we accept these feelings, we begin to feel more peaceful, and the pain begins to lose some of its intensity. To smile into our pain is the wisest, the most intelligent, the most beautiful thing we can do. There is no better way.” (Thich Nhat Hanh).
It takes courage to live in these current times so filled with aggression, hatred and dividedness. The way forward is connecting with our internal self as well as identifying with and holding space for what we are feeling. When we hold a space for vulnerability, powerlessness and grief, we can tap into our inner wisdom which helps us respond to what we are experiencing. “There is of course, a hidden wellspring of power in the ability to experience distress without trying to make it go away. And one of the reasons it’s so important to not shut down or act on a compulsion to avoid—despite every impulse to do so in the presence of overwhelming horror and despair—is that, in Macy’s words, “to experience pain…is a measure of our evolution” (Macy, 1995). It hurts because we are processing the new reality that our old ways of managing stress do not work. This process is the beginning of our personal growth and reorganization (Dorn, 2022). This isn’t to make light of pain, but to say that there is power living in the vein of difficult feelings. We can’t always go there, and shouldn’t be shamed when we can’t. It can be too much to bear and sometimes we all must enact self-care. Audre Lorde said “caring for myself is not self-indulgence. It is self-preservation.”
Tips for Turning the Lens Inward
· Identify and articulate your feelings, whether it’s to yourself, your diary, or a loved one.
· Don’t just say “I’m stressed.” Try to put your feelings into words.
· Otherwise, it can make you more stressed and contribute to a state of Empathic Distress—if you are not aware and accepting of your own feelings, then you won’t connect with the feelings of the people around you. You may even shut them down because you don’t allow your own.
· Do small rapid interventions.
· Pay attention to what you’re paying attention to: news, arguments, and otherwise.
· Get outside the best you can.
· Short term strategies start in your body; a bodied-up ritual involving breathing and stretching will help you relax and restore.
· Focus on one breath at a time (Perel, 2022).
The second pathway: External Work
Environmental activist Joanna Macy has written that there’s power in the “capacity to suffer with our world” because it orients us to our mutual belonging. This matters because there is a “new kind of power” in that belonging (Macy, 1995). When we experience the pain of the world, it hurts. But tapping in can be a source of power. Not in the old sense of the word as domination or power over, but in the sense of solidarity, of shared experience and of belonging. Power according to Joanna Macy is “the ability to effect change” via belonging (Macy, 1995; Dorn, 2022).
“Belonging” is a basic fundamental need identified by Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Only physiological requirements like nourishment and safety, come before it in terms of importance. Belonging, as the Other & Belonging Institute (OBI) defines it, means having a meaningful voice and the opportunity to participate in the design of political, social, and cultural structures that shape one’s life — the right to both contribute and make demands upon society and political institutions. At its core, “structural belonging holds a radically inclusive vision because it requires mutual power, access, and opportunity among all groups and individuals within a shared container” (such as a society, organization, club, etc).
OBI describes belonging as a “values practice where no person is left out of our circle of concern.
To build a sense of belonging, we must practice Bridging. To bridge involves two or more individuals or groups coming together across acknowledged lines of difference in a way that both affirms their distinct identities, and allows for a new, more expansive identity.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZjSsuz1yfA&t=127s
A courageous heart is needed to be able to function, to get out of bed in the morning, and even to experience ease and joy. Accessing and understanding our feelings is foundational aspect of creating a community of belonging; suffering together is a necessary piece of accessing power and belonging.
As Diane Di Prima states in her Revolutionary Letter #1,
“I have just realized that the stakes are myself, I have no other ransom money, nothing to break or barter but my life…”
American Psychological Association (APA) Resources:
Empowering communities to prevent mass shootings. Psychology research is informing new strategies to reach people at risk of committing a violent act.
Managing your distress in the aftermath of a shooting. Tips for managing feelings of distress in the aftermath of a shooting.
How to talk to children about difficult news. Tips for parents and other caregivers on how to guide the conversation in a proactive and supportive way.
Talking to kids when they need help. How to open the lines of communication and build trust.
Helping your children manage distress in the aftermath of a shooting. Tips for children of all ages.
The BulletPoints Project: this is a California- state-funded initiative to teach healthcare providers about firearm violence prevention. (thanks to colleague Maggie Rea at UC Davis for this resource)
Scrubs Against the Firearm Epidemic (SAFE): a group of medical providers dedicated to preventing firearm deaths. They have some educational activities available online and host other events.
https://www.bradyunited.org/ a non-partisan group dedicated to providing information about gun violence and promoting opportunities to get involved in discussions on this topic. You can also connect to your elected representatives through this site.
National Child Traumatic Stress Network Resources:
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